Breastfeeding: Nursing in Public

As a mom-to-be, the idea of nursing in public made me cry. Not even being in public, but even just in front of other people. Some of it was justified--babies aren't born knowing how to nurse neatly, and mommies aren't born knowing how to do all these holds. True story--I literally cried at the mere thought of even my dad seeing me breastfeed. A year later, I almost laugh it was such a stupid worry.

But for me, it all changed. First, I was running errands one day and I was really trying not to give Ellie formula to help my supply rebuild, and at my last errand a block from home, she had to eat. And I had to go in the store. I remember hussling this whiny, rooting baby around and the manager told me the baby was hungry and she would just nurse the kid. I knew she was hungry but wasn't feeding her because I had to make this stop and get home.

Covers never seemed viable to me, or healthy for that matter. Even just a blanket or scarf--Ellie uncovers her head, you can't see to adjust them, they rebreathe air, and you have to be able to sit.

Then a mom at a YMCA in Charlotte, where I live, was kicked out for nursing her baby. In violation of state law, I might add. I was on the verge, but I couldn't figure out how to make nursing in public work for me.

And then I saw this picture on my newsfeed:

My high school classmate, Facebook friend, and nursing idol

This kindly fellow mother also advised me that it was easiest to wear two layers and go up one and pull the bottom one down. And thus a public, uncovered breastfeeder was born. I'm now such a beast that I can and will give Ellie her nursies under any circumstances and wearing any clothing. Most times, you'll see less skin than on any television show or on many advertisements. Why? Because nursing in public uncovered is easy no matter what your personal level of comfort is.

Here's the thing. Ellie lives for the boob. She likes to eat and she loves to nurse to sleep. And she's not stupid. She knows where they are and that shirts go down and up. And why shouldn't she get to eat the way she eats. It's her legal right, but isn't it also morally right to let babies eat the way they eat? It's a social experience, eating, and we never expect anyone else, including bottlefed babies, to eat under cover when she's out and about.

Consider the message you're conveying, that it's too shameful to be seen. That it's secret. George Takei said this about SCOTUS's landmark decision about DOMA: "I've watched the 'ick' infect American life in a variety of ways and concluded that it's little more than a function of unfamiliarity. ... Even I was taken aback the first time I saw two men being affectionate in public. The 'ick' runs deep, instill unease even in those for whom an act is natural." I think it applies to nursing in public uncovered. The law supports it, so hopefully, the unfamiliarity and ick factor will go away and breastfeeding will be truly supported and not just a slogan.

Ask yourself why so few women in the US reach their own breastfeeding goals, much less the recommendations of the WHO (2 years minimum). It's because we don't support breastfeeding adequately, and we don't empower new moms to be bold in their decision to nurse on demand for as long as the baby wants. Whenever, wherever. We turn the easiest part of mothering (although not to say that it never has challenges), into a production that requires consumerism, extra gear to haul around, and privacy, shame, accusations of immodesty, and comparisons of the milk your body creates to shit. Literally people compare breastfeeding in public to pooping, and therefore your milk to shit. But breast is best, huh?

The only way to remove the ick and change the culture around nursing is to nurse in public, unashamed. So that's what I do. And for the record, no one ever says or has said anything to me. But I hear I have a bitchface. 

Breastfeeding: The Early Days

I didn't want to breastfeed. My husband wanted me too (and said he'd pay for a breastlift if I wanted one). So I did my research and found a pediatrician group with a full-time lactation consultant on staff. And then in recovery from my c-section, I began nursing. And those were the only good decisions I made for weeks.

Who doesn't want to see her baby this excited 8-12 times per day?

I didn't believe that babies really would hang out at the boob every minute of every day. So I fought it. And my supply suffered and then I supplemented and my supply suffered more. Then the baby didn't gain enough weight and I supplemented more and my supply suffered more. Then I tried to sleep and let my husband take a feeding and my supply suffered even more.

Here's the short of it:

• The baby needs to be on mommy, skin-to-skin all the time. No one else needs to bond with the baby, and certainly not by "helping" by giving a bottle. For a few weeks, wallow in each other's filth and cuddle and nurse. Daddy and grandma will find their own ways to bond later. Look up kangaroo care. 
• Sleep beside each other if you feel comfortable with it. See above. 24/7. This time passes quickly and back in the day people wouldn't bathe for months. Look up safe bedsharing or look at Dr. Sears.
• Pump on occasion. Your supply peaks in the first few weeks. So maximize your chances of good supply. If you have an over supply, just shut up. You'll also build a stash for later or quick trips out. More on pumping later.
• Eat to maximize supply: fenugreek, oatmeal, buckets of water, and high quality, nutrient dense foods.
• Ask for help. Lactation consultants, La Leche, your mom. But if breastfeeding is your goal, mind that well-meaning, helpful advice can undermine your success.
• With each mom and every baby, there's a skill set to develop to nurse wearing any clothes at all, so give it a couple weeks to learn and to let your bald puppy learn too.
• Likewise, don't let anyone come over that you don't want to nurse in front of and don't take the baby off the breast for someone to hold the baby. They can wait or admire from a distance. 
• Buy supplies in advance--bamboobies or other nursing pads and lanolin or other ointment. A few nursing tanks or tanks with long stretchy neck holes.
• Unless you have a specific milk issue, feed a full meal from one side, then offer the other as dessert. Alternate. I fed too much of the foremilk and it gave Ellie gas. Later on in a feeding, more fat comes out.
• Many babies have a side preference. If you aren't careful, you'll end up with one big, milky boob and one littler one. One of mine is so lazy, it's the boob Ellie uses for comfort nursing. I call it the sleepy boob because she likes to fall asleep on it.
• Pediatricians are not experts in breastfeeding. Lactation consultants are. When you need an expert, ask an expert. 
• Question any recommendation to supplement especially if it comes without specific ideas to increase your milk supply. 

And here's what I did wrong in list form:

• Tried to keep my boob-loving dictator off the breast. 
• Pacifier and bottle use (although Ellie had no confusion issues)
• Supplemented rather than nursing more
• Did not pump. Seriously. Barely pumped. 
• Did not stock up on stored milk. 
• Ate nothing but candy for days on end.
• Tried to sleep alone and make the baby sleep alone. Fast forward almost a year, and she still sleeps beside me and nurses half the night. But she loves the boob more than average.

But now I'll tell you the bottom line. Breastfeeding my daughter is the best thing I've ever done. It heals all bumps and bruises, she's never been sick, and I shit you not, for the first weeks, the oxytocin release when she'd nurse made me pass out like I was high. It was freakish.